Many of us live under the curse of high expectations. I am not saying that expectations are bad, per se, but the question is, how high are your expectations, how are you handling failure to meet expectations and how do you treat yourself when you succeed. In addition, are these your expectations or those from someone else?
I have learned it over and over again from my NLP classes, that many of the expectations that we carry around with us are not ours. They are derived from your parents, school, friends and society. Have you identified them already? Are you comfortable living them? Do you have the means to reject them, if you want, and if you do, how does it make you feel?
Sometimes, these expectations permeate our whole life. In every aspect. There is no way we can escape those and the pressure to proof to ourselve that we can meet those expectations is tremendous. Stress is often the result. Sometimes even insomnia.
Important in managing expectations is the ability to be tolerant to yourself. There is nothing worse than beating yourself up when you failed (in your eyes), while not appreciating when you succeeded. I encountered so many cases that a student came to class and criticised every success, every little piece of their life. When they succeeded in the exercises, they started to raise the bar immediately. Or just acknowledged the learning for a very short time, but focused much longer on the little things that didn’t go so well. What life is that to constantly beat yourself up? Again, it probably is not the student’s expectations but it comes from somewhere else. And too often have we been raised to focus on the negative, haven’t we? It goes so far that the moment we meet our expectations, we raise our own bar immediately. No rest granted.
NLP is good in challenging this expectations. Reframing the failure and learning to appreciate the learning from failures. Seeing yourself through the eyes of others and fall back to who you really are. Confronting the shattered identity, rebuilding the self-esteem and giving you a pathway to reflect onto your future, where you then can chose your reaction to expectations and failures.
It starts off with recognition and awareness, and then the creation of choice and procedures to start living the life that you deserve.
And for me, personally, there is nothing better than seeing someone reach the goals, achieve realisation and start to manage your life!
Andreas is the founder of Asia Mind Dynamics and a certified trainer of internationally recognised certification programmes:
- Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) with the American Board of Neuro Linguistic Programming (ABNLP),
- NLP Coach Training with the Coaching Division of ABNLP,
- The Words That Change Minds -Language and Behaviour Profile of which he also is one of 17 Global Master Trainers
- Creating Your Future Coaching™ Techniques at the Masters Level with the International Timeline Therapy Association
- Hypnosis with the American Board of Hypnotherapy (ABH)
- Master Trainer with the International Association of Counsellors and Therapists (IACT).
We also train companies to achieve higher performance especially through our signature programmes on Leadership, Sales and Advanced Communications.
To find out more about us or our programme and what makes us so very different as trainer and coaches, send an email to andreas.dorn AT gmail.com or contact us at +6012 287 5048.