The difference that makes the difference


NLP trainers often say that NLP works with the difference that makes the difference in, for example, performance.

What is the one piece going on in someone’s mind that makes the difference to success versus another person that does not succeed. What is the mental structure of the successful person, how do they do it, what goes on in their head and body. What are the pictures they see, sounds they hear or feelings they are generate to succeed. What is the difference to the one who doesn’t make it?

There is a difference, of course, and we all know that.

I was confronted with this in the end of last week.

A friend connected me with the HR person of a leading company in Malaysia and so I called her up. Despite the introduction by a friend, she appeared to be skeptical to the call and pressed hard to be accommodative.

During our short conversation, she asked a great question:

“What do you have to offer that no other NLP trainer has?”

Cool. Such short sentence gives me a lot of information. About her thinking structure and the way she sees her work.

Allow me to decode what happened, can I?

Her words brought me down to my own reality. I realised that I, just like anyone else, has a label attached. We all have.

The moment we open our mouth and define us or state, who we are, people evaluate us. During my short conversation with this lady, in her context, she immediately evaluated me. It happened the moment I said that I am a friend of …. and I am the NLP trainer he talked about. The contents of what I said, and my tonality in which I said the sentence.

She did so even so she did not know me. People evaluate us in the context of their earlier experiences. And so did she. She may get lots of calls from conventional trainers, and other NLP trainers. And she related my call to other calls that happened before.

I reminded her of someone or something similar with which she was confronted before. May be it was a good, may be it was a bad experience. I don’t know and the people we talk to are not aware of what happens. It is an unconscious process, and it happens in the split of a second.

But this is the context in which they evaluate us.

Like – what is her experience with NLP? Whom has she met that provides NLP? What other, more conventional, trainers called her, aside of NLP trainers (as a leading company and plenty of trainers out there, she might be “chased” and called constantly!!)

The question she asked, also came from her inner, most unconscious, mental filters. These are filters, through which she looks at the overall world, her work or any other situation. A filter that might be set in motion the moment she gets this call from a trainer. The “How” she evaluates the conversation.

The question was “What makes you different?” Often, we answer to the rational context of this question, to the words.

But we filter our response through our own mental or unconscious filters.

And this is crucial. What are our filters?

E.g.; are we problem driven or looking for solutions. Do we prefer procedural approaches or options? Are you looking for difference or similarities? Do we prefer to think independently or as a team? Are we easily stressed or cool in hot situations. And, of course, a combination of all these factors.

Our filters are different from the person we talk to. Oftentimes, they don’t match with each other. Then we miscommunicate. And we get rejected, or have challenges in managing the conversation. And we wonder what is happening? We feel bad and rejected, take it personal.

It is not “you fault”. It was just your filter.

Advanced NLP and the Language and Behaviour Profile (LAB Profile) however can identify the filters in these few words and then match the filters in our response. It does not guarantee success, of course, but at least, when the answer is structured purposefully, I might get the space I need to get the appointment.

Asia Mind Dynamics is the only company in Malaysia that is able to immediately identify the mental patterns running in the mind of the person we talk to.

This is powerful. It is useful in recruitment, marketing, heck, especially selling. Basically in all conversations.

We can decipher the mental patterns of a person that just says one sentence. Sure, it is not 100% bullet proof, as said, but provides an entry into the mind. And this then is very powerful!! And fun!!


Andreas is the founder of Asia Mind Dynamics and a certified trainer of internationally recognised certification programmes:

  • Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) with the American Board of Neuro Linguistic Programming (ABNLP),
  • NLP Coach Training with the Coaching Division of ABNLP,
  • The Words That Change Minds -Language and Behaviour Profile of which he also is one of 17 Global Master Trainers
  • Creating Your Future Coaching™ Techniques at the Masters Level with the International Timeline Therapy Association
  • Hypnosis with the American Board of Hypnotherapy (ABH)
  • Master Trainer with the International Association of Counsellors and Therapists (IACT).

We also train companies to achieve higher performance especially through our signature programmes on Leadership, Sales and Advanced Communications.

To find out more about us or our programme and what makes us so very different as trainer and coaches, send an email to andreas.dorn AT or contact us at +6012 287 5048.

You can also follow us on Twitter or find us on FaceBook.


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